Shame and Vulnerability

As women, we live in a time when everyone has an opinion about our bodies. Shame thrives off mental health issues such as eating disorders and anxiety. Disordered eating is a heavily impactful result of the criticism we hear from ourselves and society. Eating disorders can manifest in many different ways, and all types of eating disorders should be taken seriously. Types of eating disorders include anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder. These symptoms can show through actions of restricting, binging, and/or purging.  Many people who struggle with disordered eating feel shame about their actions, their bodies, and the way society views them. It is important to note that with shame, the most effective way to start the healing process is to speak about shame. We must be open about our experiences with people we feel safe with, and by doing this, shame will subside. Eating disorders are valid mental health problems, and the shame that comes with having an eating disorder can be targeted through work on vulnerability.

The Shame Cycle or Shame Spiral occurs when we get caught up in a storm of shame that takes over and makes us feel humiliated and fragile. We start to feel shameful about feeling shameful. This can occur after participating in behaviors that are not healthy, being embarrassed, or going against your values. If you or anyone you know struggles with an eating disorder, there is an unconscious understanding that the disorder needs to be hidden. This has resulted in more shame for everyone involved because the actions are creating secrets. Not only are people with eating disorders affected by their symptoms, but when their support systems do not address the behaviors and shame, it creates a harder disorder to work through.

Vulnerability is important for people to address the ways they feel shameful. Shame has to be spoken about to end the cycles. By ignoring shame, we reinforce the negative self-talk that it brings. By encouraging the people in your life to have open conversations with you, everyone will be able to benefit from the experience. Your support system will be more informed and understanding of any symptoms, including eating disorders, by your honesty and vulnerability. While your support system is learning more about the experiences you are going through, your vulnerability allows for the weight to be taken off your shoulders.

Vulnerability does not end with your support system. You must be vulnerable and honest with yourself also. Treat yourself with grace and compassion and know that the negative thoughts you experience are false. You are capable of working through eating disorders, shame, and other symptoms. This is not always the easiest process to be kinder to yourself, but the shameful voices can be treated. Most people feel shame, and we would all benefit from treating ourselves nicer. Shame keeps us in a stagnant and frustrated place. The thoughts shame brings can be hurtful and uncomfortable, but by starting to open up to friends, family, and your therapist, the pain will start to decline.

~Abby Friedman