Warning Signs of a Codependent Relationship
We all enjoy the sweet nature that often comes from being with our platonic relationships and significant others, as the connection shared between one another is unparalleled. However, relationships can turn sour without proper attention to red flags that may arise. This is particularly true in codependent relationships.
The American Psychological Association defines codependency as, "a dysfunctional relationship pattern in which an individual is psychologically dependent on (or controlled by) a person who has a pathological addiction (e.g., alcohol, gambling)" and
"The state of being mutually reliant, for example, a relationship between two individuals who are emotionally dependent on one another."
This state of being can be damaging to any relationship, creating an atmosphere of disrespect, dependence and obsession. These actions often lead to unhappiness and resentment. To prevent this, here are a few warning signs that you (or your partner) may be engaging in codependency:
Low Self-Esteem and Self Worth
Feelings of inadequacy, experiencing guilt or shame, and constant comparisons are common feelings codependents share. Honoring our needs and boundaries often prevents us from being placed in tricky situations, conflicts, or being willing to engage in self-destructive or people-pleasing behaviors. Detaching from the value of other's approval and toxic perception of oneself are great ways to combat this.
Blurred Lines
Weak or the lack of boundaries is a telltale sign of codependency within a relationship. Codependents often express their objection to tolerating addiction or domestic violence behaviors within their relationships, then acquiesce when such issues come about. Allowing your partner (or any other individual) to walk all over you and constantly bending your own rules isn't helpful to either person in a relationship, as boundaries are pertinent in any connection. Some ways "blurred lines" or compliance can manifest themselves are accepting sex as a substitute for love, being extremely loyal and remaining in a harmful situation for far too long and putting aside your interests to pursue what others want.
Excuses, Excuses, Excuses…
Suppose you often find yourself constantly rationalizing, taking on abusive behavior as your fault, or in denial of your partner's behaviors rather than helping them combat any concerns. In that case, you may be engaging in a codependent relationship.
Covering up this behavior is damaging and enabling such acts through can break down any relationship quicker than one can imagine. Denying toxic patterns and minimizing how you genuinely feel only continues this vicious cycle.
Codependent people often find difficulties in expressing their feelings and articulating their thoughts. Due to the overwhelming fear of being rejected, abandoned, or criticized, combined with an overwhelming need to control, codependents sacrifice the will to communicate or have undeveloped communication skills that can foster a healthy communication.
Everyone deserves love, that in its purest and healthiest form. If you happen to relate to any of these signs, help is available. It all starts with the will to repair and heal a once-wounded relationship.
~Eryka Warren