How do you know if you are settled in a relationship? Is settling in a relationship a bad thing? What are the first red flags of settling in a relationship? How do you know if your relationship is unhealthy?

Settling in a relationship means being ready to accept less than what you want or deserve. Therefore, settling in a relationship can be a bad thing. When you decide to settle in a relationship, you choose to accept things that you deeply know don’t sit right by you. The fear of losing the one you love is the main reason why you could be settling.

People settle in their relationships for many different reasons. In fact, it's so common that you might even be settling without realizing it.

Signs That You’re Settling in Your Relationship:

1. You’re constantly comparing – You always seem to size up your relationship against other couples, and usually, it’s not a very healthy comparison. Maybe you just can’t help but notice how much happier others are together, you’re envious of all the cool things they’re doing together, or that they’re just so compatible. If you were with someone you truly wanted to be with and cared about, these things wouldn’t matter. At least, you wouldn’t be noticing them on such a grand scale. It would be more of an observation rather than a comparison.

2. You don’t want to be alone –Thanks to our society’s poor stigma of being single, we sometimes resort to just about anything for the sake of not being alone. In fact, very few people know how to be alone and do it well. The word alone sounds so harsh, doesn’t it? It’s important to learn how to embrace being alone without being lonely. Know your worth and your value, and don’t let someone else have to define that for you. Always remember – being with the wrong person for the wrong reasons is so much worse than just riding out the single wave.

3. You justify – If it seems like you have to convince yourself and others that you’re happy, or even if you have to look for reasons, you’re with this person, I’d say that’s one of the biggest red flags you’re in a sinking ship of settling. You shouldn’t have to explain to others, or yourself, why you’re dating someone. Making excuses for a partner or anything questionably negative in the relationship is a clear sign that you’re in something you probably shouldn’t be in.

4. The little things bother you – It’s perfectly okay to get a little irked by people’s quirks and bad habits, especially when you’ve gotten to know someone well and you’ve become comfortable with each other enough for those walls to come down. But when it gets to a point of resentment, over some of the smallest things, that’s another glaring sign that you probably shouldn’t be with this person.

5. You keep thinking your partner will change – If you’re viewing any part of your relationship as a temporary thing that “will get better eventually,” there’s another indicator that you’ve settled yourself into some unhappiness. Overall, you should like your partner just the way they are right now. Fast forwarding to some future, “better” version of who you want them to be doesn’t exactly sound like a genuine, or healthy thing for that matter. The problem with dating someone because of their potential is that you’re not getting to know who they really are. While it’s normal for people in a relationship to grow, they have to do it on their own.

6. You don’t think you can do better – Maybe you feel trapped in a situation that seems decent, but you’re pretty much only in it because you’re afraid to leave. You’re afraid to leave because you’re afraid you won’t find anyone “better.” Truthfully, we shouldn’t evaluate partners on whether they’re good enough, but on whether they’re right for us. I mean, if you’re really into it, you wouldn’t have to think about doing that. Never stay in a relationship because you don’t think you can do better!

7. You feel tied to your commitments – You’ve already invested the time and energy, you’ve made plans and memories together, and you’ve taken the time to get really comfortable with each other, so why break it off? The thing is, if you’ve already given it a chance, tried working through whatever issues there are, and you still don’t feel quite right about it. No one needs consent to leave a relationship, millions of people remain in unhappy relationships that range for many different reasons. The feeling of suffocation or of having no choice stems from unconscious fears that lead to guilt. People give many explanations for staying in bad relationships, ranging from caring for young children to caring for a sick partner. Remember that you don’t owe anyone anything other than honesty — for both your partner and yourself.

Settling in a relationship means being ready to accept less than what you want or deserve. Therefore, settling in a relationship can be a bad thing. When you decide to settle in a relationship, you choose to accept things that you deeply know don’t sit right by you. The fear of losing the one you love is the main reason why you could be settling.

Settling often begins when you lose yourself to your significant other. It happens when you begin losing your worth and changing little bits of yourself to remain committed to a relationship that doesn’t serve your best interest. However, it would help if you didn’t confuse settling with compromising. When you choose to be okay with everything your partner does at your expense to keep the relationship going, that is settling.

On the other hand, compromising is being ready to accept that your partner is not perfect; they have their faults. Accepting imperfection is compromising.

Accepting your partner who is not perfect is compromising, which is important for every relationship.

- Jade Asuncion

What does it mean when you say you enjoy life? Is it possible to enjoy life to the fullest?

Inevitable change is a fact. Change is inevitable and is synonymous with life and growth. The life we lead today is the result of the acceptance of change.

Many people spend their whole lives searching for things to make them happy, but what is joy and how can we come to experience it? We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are. We enjoy life when things are happening - this means you're alive. Here are the TOP 4 things that will genuinely help you live a joyful life:

1. Appreciate Little Things. Appreciating the little things in life means that you focus your attention on what nurtures and sustains you in life. On everything that brings you even the smallest amount of pleasure. It also means practicing gratitude by noticing these everyday things that you take for granted so easily.

2. Avoid Toxic Environment. A toxic environment is any place or any behavior that causes harm to your health, happiness, and wellbeing. If you’re around people who make you feel small, insecure, or bad about yourself, you might be in a toxic environment. If you feel a physical weight every time you walk into your place of work, you might be in a toxic environment.

3. Be Content. Contentment is generally defined as a longer lasting, but a deeper feeling of satisfaction and gratitude. Happiness is arguably viewed as having a temporary feeling attached to it. Whereas contentment is viewed by many to have a long-lasting effect on those that experience it.

4. Nourish your Body. You can’t enjoy life if you’re not nourishing your body. Little things matter more when you’re enjoying. Be exuberant about life, share this moment to celebrate small victories. Sometimes having fun with the people - we love is all the therapy you need.

A joyful life is not being rich, being popular, being highly educated or being perfect. It is about being real, being humble, being strong and being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others. It is only then that we could have a full, happy and content life.

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.

~Jade Asuncion

The term Positive Psychology means a lot. What is Positive Psychology and why is it important? There are some common misconceptions about positive psychology, both about what it is and what it is not.

Positive Psychology

Described in many ways and with many words, but the commonly accepted definition of the field is that positive psychology is a scientific approach to studying human thoughts, feelings, and behavior, with a focus on strengths instead of weaknesses, building the good in life instead of repairing the bad, and taking the lives of average people up to “great” instead of focusing solely on moving those who are struggling up to “normal”.

Characteristics of Positive Psychology

• Positive events and influences in life.

• Positive experiences like happiness, joy, inspiration, and love.

• Positive states and traits like gratitude, resilience, and compassion.

• Positive institutions applying positive principles within entire organizations and institutions.

Positive psychology teaches how to harness the power of shifting one’s perspective to maximize the potential for happiness in many of our everyday behaviors. Injecting a bit more optimism and gratitude into your life is a simple action that can give you a radically more positive outlook on life. Happiness also promotes more happiness.

Using positive psychology can choose our own environments and be with the people that increase our probability of happiness. The individuals who become the happiest and grow the most are those who also make truth and their own personal growth primary values.

"This is scientific proof that happiness is indeed a choice."

~Jade Asuncion

Every woman needs to know these.

Living in the society we do; we’re force-fed ideas and belief systems. Unconsciously we are molded by everything that goes on around us. Consequently, we grow used to them, and fail to see the wrong in them. Some of us lose the ability to see beyond what we’ve always been taught or made to believe. And those of us who dare even think let alone do anything differently face numerous difficulties. It’s virtually impossible for someone to be themselves and to go after what they truly desire.

When it comes to relationships, we’ve been brought up thinking that only when you’re with someone, you feel complete; otherwise, something will always be missing. And that being in love creates dependency and so on. Women particularly tend to get carried away with these ideas and set unrealistic expectations of their relationships.

They need to understand that relationships play out very differently in real life than fiction. And it’s absolutely normal to think and feel against the norms set forth. You can shape your relationships along with your partner the way you see fit.

• The only person capable of saving you is YOU!
Unlike the movies, there isn’t going to be a knight in shining armor to save you from yourself. You are your own savior. Just like you’d like for your partner to be capable of taking care of themselves, they would prefer the same from you. If saving you is all they ever does, the relationship won’t be fulfilling for either of you. So may be lay off the whole damsel in distress bit and learn to take care of yourself. They can be there for you when you need them, but you alone are responsible for your life and happiness.

• You cannot be anyone else’s savior
If you’re responsible for yourself, so are they. There’s only so much you can do for someone. This doesn’t mean that you should abandon them in times of need. Be the unwavering support they need. But remember, it’s up to them to help themselves. The urge to keep them safe from everything comes naturally, but you need to realize that they need to take care of things themselves. And it is essential for everyone to face the difficult times to grow as a person.

• Recognize the difference between being supportive and agreeing
Just because your partner doesn’t agree with you on something does not mean they wouldn’t support you. You might not be on the same page with them, but it shouldn’t keep you from being there for them when they needs you. For instance, you might think that a certain career path isn’t the best choice, but if it’s something they’d love to do, you should do your part in helping them get there. Similarly, if there’s something you want and your partner is not particularly a fan of, they would still be on board with it just for your sake.

• You don’t need to play caretaker just to show them support
The only way to love someone wholeheartedly is to love yourself first. There is nothing wrong with placing your needs above everyone else’s. Unless you feel content, you won’t be able to make anyone else feel the same. Sure, you should be there when they need you, but that does not mean enabling them in anyway. It’s crucial for everyone as an individual to take care of themselves on their own.

• First impressions matter
Pay close attention to what they say and more importantly to how they act. Don’t fool yourself into believing that they might change somewhere along the way. If you can’t accept them the way they are then you’re only setting yourself up for regret. If there’s something that you find unacceptable about them, and you keep up with it initially hoping for it to go away, you won’t like the result.

• Learn to accept things and people the way they are

Be very clear on what you want and if you choose to be with a certain someone, who wants different things, come to terms with it. This is the only way you’re going to have a viable relationship. Don’t suppress your needs or wants and don’t make your significant other do that either. Accept them as they are, and you’ll be at peace with your relationship.

• Face the difficulties instead of running away from them
No matter how difficult, terrifying or hopeless a situation may be, running away is never an option. If you’re out the door at the very sign of trouble, you probably need to reconsider your idea of a relationship. You’ll face problems regardless of who ever you’re with and whatever you do. So, bring yourself to deal with them. In relationships, it serves to be a cornerstone, and if done right, strengthens the foundation.

• You are equally responsible for the condition of your relationship
Whenever something goes wrong, we tend to blame the next person. It’s the easier thing to do. In doing so, we fail to acknowledge our shortcomings. There is a pretty good chance that if you’re not particularly happy with your relationship, it could be because you are either doing something wrong or maybe not doing anything at all. The way your relationship turns out depends on you as much as it does on them.

• Some relationships inevitably end
Whenever you meet someone that you decide to be with, you naturally want them to be the one. Where it could happen, there’s always a chance that it couldn’t. Life has its uncertainties. In some cases, you both might not be on the same page, or you drift apart while in others, even if you two want to ne together, things just don’t work out. That does not have to be the end of the world, you still have yourself. Love yourself and whoever is meant to stay, will stay. Some things are beyond your control and there’s no point in stressing over them.

As long as you come to terms with these realities, you will have better luck with your relationships. You will know what to expect and what to give in return. And that your first priority should be yourself. You can’t expect a relationship to last without any sort of efforts. Cater to its needs and everything will fall into place.

- Jade Asuncion

Most people cannot define their vision of love because love is a complicated matter and relationships can be challenging. However, there are proven ways to better understand how we give and receive love from others. According to Dr. Chapman, there are five primary love languages that people speak. Are love languages real, or are they a myth? Could knowing your partner’s love language improve your relationship? Let's find out.

The languages include words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. Here is an overview of each:

Words of affirmation: Compliments, sweet statements, expressions of pride and appreciation – these are verbal statements that display affection.

Receiving gifts: This involves tangible items with thoughtful meaning. Gifts do not have to cost a lot of money. They simply show, “Hey, he was thinking of me today.”

Acts of service: These are actions, not physical gifts. Examples include having dinner ready when your spouse gets home from work, washing your partner’s car, giving your spouse a foot rub at the end of the day, etc.

Quality time: This involves spending time with your partner, either doing an activity or hanging out at home. Acts of service and quality time are similar in that they are both gifts of time. However, quality time involves moments together. Acts of service are thoughtful efforts.

Physical touch: This is physical affection, such as hugging, kissing, holding hands, being intimate, etc.

According to Dr. Chapman, each person has a primary and secondary love language. The primary love language is the one that resonates “love” to that person the most. A person’s secondary love language has less value than the primary love language, but it still communicates love to them.

Love languages have two sides – Giving and Receiving

How you normally give love may not be the same as how you receive love. These factors usually align, but not always. For example, I may enjoy giving gifts to others, but I do not enjoy receiving them. I may enjoy surprising my loved ones with acts of service, but I dislike surprises in return.

With that in mind, the five love languages do provide a helpful guideline for a thriving and long-lasting relationship. Understanding your love languages and your partner’s love languages can ensure that you showcase your love clearly and effectively.

When was the last time you have felt most loved? Ask your partner to do the same, and talk about the elements that are equivalent to the word "I love you". It's not gonna be easy but it'll definitely be worth it. ♥

~Jade Asuncion

"The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years." - Audrey Hepburn

Beauty. It’s sad how people use this word to describe the attractiveness and physical appearance of some people. Beautiful is the first word that comes to our minds when we see a gorgeous woman walking confidently, dressed in a bomb outfit head to toe while tossing her long, amazing hair aside.
In all honesty, this is a sight that would leave us all speechless. But, here’s what. Beauty has nothing to do with looks. The truth is, beauty isn’t a good outfit, or an eyeshadow blended to perfection. Beauty is much more than what your eye sees.

The real beauty is reflected in a woman’s soul.

Here are 5 things that make a woman beautiful that has nothing to do with her looks:

1. HER MIND - The most beautiful women out there are not the ones who attract with their looks. In my opinion, the most beautiful women are the intelligent ones. The ones who seduce with their sharp minds and their intellect. The ones who are eager to learn more and cultivate their minds. The ones who are hungry for knowledge and aren’t afraid to let their imagination run free.

2. HER SPIRIT - A woman’s true beauty is reflected in her spirit. It can be seen in the way she copes with life challenges and the way she handles all the obstacles that come her way. A woman’s true beauty in her soul. Her real beauty is the enthusiasm that she gives away. The love that she shares with the world. The sparks in her eyes that make her a ray of sunshine in a human form.

3. HER PASSION - Her deepest, wildest dreams are what make her who she is. A unique, extraordinary and truly incredible person. Her beauty can be seen in the things that make her heart smile, eyes sparkle, and smile shine the brightest.

4. HER STRENGTH - A woman who is not afraid to fight for what she believes in is a beautiful woman. A woman who is not afraid to stand on her own is an incredible woman. A woman who refuses to give up and let society’s standards define her is a truly extraordinary woman. Her beauty is not measured by her appearance, but by her strength to cope with everything that life faces her.

5. HER COMPASSION - A cold-hearted woman will love herself, but no one will love her back. Having a kind, compassionate heart in a cruel world like ours is a true gift. And it is the real mark of a beautiful human being. For there is nothing more extraordinary than being there for others and being able to share your love with every human being out there. Compassion is one of the most important human virtues. Compassion is the true beauty of the soul.
   As you go about your day today, think about what is bubbling up from your soul for the world to see. glance in a mirror. Are you radiating joy and happiness?

   Remember, true beauty is a reflection of the soul.

- Jade Asuncion

You might have heard the term “inner peace” hundreds of times without thinking too much about it. But what exactly does it mean to have inner peace? And more importantly, what does inner peace mean to you?

Inner Peace Leads to Inner Strength. It can be defined as feeling a deep sense of mental and spiritual harmony or serenity. When you’re at peace, you have the ability to keep yourself grounded and strong, even in the face of turmoil or stress. You might think of inner peace as the opposite of anxiousness, but it certainly isn’t weakness.

Some may equate inner peace with passiveness or even dullness. But if you’ve really found inner peace, that doesn’t mean you don’t have an active mind. On the contrary, inner peace may make you feel more in the moment, more conscious, and more alive.

What Does Inner Peace Mean for You?

You are the only one who can ultimately define how inner peace feels to you, but here are a few elements that may help you determine just how at peace you are.

1. Less Overthinking. If you tend to overthink or over analyze every situation, conversation, or mistake, you might want to strive for an inner peace that reduces your need to do so. Maybe to you, inner peace means not wasting your energy this way.

2. Not Dwelling on the Past. Related to overthinking is the tendency to dwell on the past. This could mean letting your mind churn over the mistakes you or others have made. It could keep you from forgiving yourself or others. It could mean reliving painful memories. If you’re dwelling on the past, then you’re living in it, and that makes inner peace difficult to find.

3. Less Worry Over the Future. If you feel peaceful inside yourself, the future won’t look bleak or frightening. While you may not know what to expect tomorrow or next year, you have a feeling that everything will be alright. If you have inner peace, you don’t need to have your future all planned out in order to feel settled. Your peace comes from within — not from knowing the future.

4. Feeling Freedom. If you feel free and unencumbered by worry, guilt, or anxiousness, you may have a high level of inner peace. People who are at peace don’t feel bogged down by yesterday. They don’t have frequent or severe bouts of “analysis paralysis” that makes decision-making difficult.

5. Quiet Confidence. Do you feel a sense of quiet confidence that your life will turn out reasonably well, despite some difficulties? Do you feel like, even though life may throw you a curveball here and there, you can generally move forward without fear? If so, you may be feeling inner peace.

Inner peace appears when “You Empty Your Mind”. It is like a clean and spacious room, empty of unnecessary, old, or broken stuff. After emptying your mind of unnecessary and negative thoughts, it will be filled with happiness and inner peace, with nothing to disturb it. You can get these results through meditation practices. When you remove all the unnecessary and useless stuff from your mind, you become more alive. The negative and meaningless thoughts would be gone, and you see everything more clearly, like you never did before.

~ Jade Asuncion

We’d love you to join us and add your voice to thousands of people who are saying #itsnotok at the start of sexual violence awareness week.

Women have constantly had to endure unwanted attention from men while being ignored when we speak out against it. Its not uncommon to talk to your friends and hear about the different tactics used to avoid being harassed like walking with your keys between your fingers or being on the phone with someone as you walk out in public. Its uncomfortable to think that one of the main places we spend most of our time doesn’t always feel like a safe space. At work its not practical to be on the phone with a friend or have your guard up the whole time. You expect respect from your colleagues and treat them the same because the environment is completely different than being out in public. This should be a safe space, but then why does it feel there are times it is not?

We spend so much of our time at work that its normal to make friends and get close to people, but a lot of problems begin when boundaries are crossed. Assisting a coworker or providing your number to work on a project for example, does not grant them special access into your life or near your body. The same way coming into work, doing your job while never communicating with that person, also does not equal an invitation. Some men have taken the notion that existing as a woman also means an open invitation to flirtation or touching. The responsibility to correct this behavior does not lie with the victim. This is someone who feels entitled and their predatory behavior is something they must acknowledge and correct.

It makes sense that the fault doesn’t lie with the person being harassed, but then why are there feelings shame or guilt felt if it’s happened? We may feel we could have done something to prevent the situation or maybe we did something to provoke it. Its also common to feel powerless over what took place and unable to take back control. Your feelings are normal and valid, but remember you are not to blame for what happened. Allow yourself to accept what took place to move on with your life. Do not give in to gaslighting or pressures to keep quiet. Too many times other women have been in the exact situation and to avoid more attention kept their stories to themselves. Notify your place of work so that this situation can be addressed. Notify people close to you if you feel nothing is being done. Our voices were heard many times before, asking for our right to feel safe in a place that should already protect us from harm so allow yourself to be vulnerable to regain your peace.

Its ok to be scared about what comes next. Its also ok if you feel the need to move on from that job or just reevaluate what you want from life because even though we know it wasn’t our fault, we want a fresh start. We also hear a lot about what a victim of harassment should do to heal from a situation like this, but one thing that helps a lot is friends, family, and support groups especially since harassment could affect feelings of self-esteem. We need to do right by the loved ones who have gone through these experiences and below I have addressed some point made by Sherry Gordons article “How to Heal from Workplace Sexual Harassment,” that can help you support them.

1. Remember to give them space. As friends or family, you may want to do everything in your power to help your loved one who’s dealt with harassment by showering attention. Keep in mind they may prefer more space at this time and have set more boundaries. Respect their decision to not want an excess of attention while reminding them to keep in touch.

2. Everyone heals in their own time. Be patient. Do not let your desire for them to heal to affect their actual healing process. It’s hard to come back from dealing with harassment. Trying to speed up their process could create feelings of guilt and you do not want to make them feel like their experience is a burden on you. The harassment could then be interpreted as affecting those around them and slow down their progress.

3. Let them make their own choices. A power struggle happens when someone experience sexual abuse and it can conflict with a person’s autonomy afterword’s. They may decide that the career they were pursuing no longer interests them or decide to move. Realize that even though you may not agree with their choices this is what they need for themselves.

~Karla Morales

As the year begins, you may be considering a New Year’s resolution. Maybe you made a resolution last year and stuck with it, or maybe you had totally forgotten about it by February. Maybe you don’t believe in making New Year’s resolutions.

Regardless, it may help if you have a better idea of what exactly a New Year’s resolution is and what you’d like it be, too. A New Year’s resolution is a promise that you make to yourself or others to carry out an idea or action.

Health and fitness resolutions are some of the hardest to keep. However, these resolutions can be crucial to improving both your physical and mental health. Don’t make the mistake that many often do — make big, unattainable goals and end up disappointed. Start out with small and doable fitness goal, then build from there.

1. Go for a walk after dinner. Tip: If you don’t have a dog who’s expecting a walk, bring a family member with you or just some headphones to pass the time. You can start with short distances at first.

2. Get familiar with a new machine. Tip: Ease into a new machine at the gym. Be sure to start slow and don’t overexert yourself.

3. Move every day. Tip: Some days you may move less than others, and that’s OK. Listen to your body, but try to loosen up to prevent stiffness and injury.

4. Address problem areas before they get worse. Tip: Buy yourself a small ice pack that you can put on areas you’ve previously injured or that frequently get sore. Use it nightly or in the morning after you stretch.

5. Drink an extra glass of water each day. Tip: Pick a time of day that makes sense for you, such as first thing in the morning. Consider swapping out a sugary or caffeinated beverage for water.

6. Learn how to prepare a vegetable dish you love. Tip: Choose an easy recipe if you’re new to cooking. It doesn’t have to require the oven, either. You can easily create unique salsas or salads.

2021 has been a challenging year for all of us, but we can’t let that stop you from living our best life!

~ Jade Asuncion

You already know that exercise is good for your body. But did you know it can also boost your mood, improve your sleep, and help you deal with depression, anxiety, stress, and more?

Exercise can improve brain function and protect memory and thinking skills. To begin with, it increases your heart rate, which promotes the flow of blood and oxygen to your brain. It can also stimulate the production of hormones that enhance the growth of brain cells.

Exercise is not just about aerobic capacity and muscle size. Sure, exercise can improve your physical health and your physique, trim your waistline, improve your sex life, and even add years to your life. But that’s not what motivates most people to stay active.

People who exercise regularly tend to do so because it gives them an enormous sense of well-being. They feel more energetic throughout the day, sleep better at night, have sharper memories, and feel more relaxed and positive about themselves and their lives. And it’s also a powerful medicine for many common mental health challenges.

Regular exercise can have a profoundly positive impact on depression, anxiety, and ADHD. It also relieves stress, improves memory, helps you sleep better, and boosts your overall mood. And you don’t have to be a fitness fanatic to reap the benefits. Research indicates that modest amounts of exercise can make a real difference. No matter your age or fitness level, you can learn to use exercise as a powerful tool to deal with mental health problems, improve your energy and outlook, and get more out of life.

What are some ways to started with exercise?

Many of us find it hard enough to motivate ourselves to exercise at the best of times. But when you feel depressed, anxious, stressed or have another mental health problem, it can seem doubly difficult. You know exercise will make you feel better, but depression has robbed you of the energy and motivation you need to work out, or your social anxiety means you can’t bear the thought of being seen at an exercise class or running through the park.

1. Start small. When you’re under the cloud of anxiety or depression and haven’t exercised for a long time, setting extravagant goals like completing a marathon or working out for an hour every morning will only leave you more despondent if you fall short. Better to set achievable goals and build up from there.

2. Schedule workouts when your energy is highest. Perhaps you have most energy first thing in the morning before work or school or at lunchtime before the mid-afternoon lull hits? Or maybe you do better exercise for longer at the weekends. If depression or anxiety, has you feeling tired and unmotivated all day long, try dancing to some music or simply going for a walk. Even a short, 15-minute walk can help clear your mind, improve your mood, and boost your energy level. As you move and start to feel a little better, you’ll often boost your energy enough to exercise more vigorously—by walking further, breaking into a run, or adding a bike ride, for example.

3. Focus on activities you enjoy. Any activity that gets you moving counts. That could include throwing a Frisbee with a dog or friend, walking laps of a mall window shopping, or cycling to the grocery store. If you’ve never exercised before or don’t know what you might enjoy, try a few different things. Activities such as gardening or tackling a home improvement project can be great ways to start moving more when you have a mood disorder—as well as helping you become more active, they can also leave you with a sense of purpose and accomplishment.

4. Be comfortable. Wear clothing that’s comfortable and choose a setting that you find calming or energizing. That may be a quiet corner of your home, a scenic path, or your favorite city park.

5. Make exercise a social activity. Exercising with a friend or loved one, or even your kids, will not only make exercising more fun and enjoyable, it can also help motivate you to stick to a workout routine. You’ll also feel better than if you were exercising alone. In fact, when you’re suffering from a mood disorder such as depression, the companionship can be just as important as the exercise.

You don’t have to spend hours in a gym or force yourself into long, monotonous workouts to experience the many benefits of exercise. These tips can help you find activities you enjoy and start to feel better, look better, and get more out of life.

~ Jade Asuncion

Suicide is a topic filled with unresolved issues, unanswered questions, voided homes and hearts, and an overwhelming sense of guilt from our actions or lack thereof.

Personally, I have dealt with my fair share losing people in my life due to suicide, however it’s the aftershocks that are usually not dealt with and are often swept under the rug. Let’s note the word “swept”. It’s important to notice the privilege many of us have to set our emotions aside with ease, and we should recognize this when supporting people who no longer can or are on the brink of exhaustion.

Suicide is no longer the taboo topic it once was several years ago as prevention methods, awareness and de-stigmatization is spread rampantly across the globe in efforts to protect and lend a listening ear to those suffering in silence. Yet, it's still a silent killer and leading cause of death in youth and the top tenth cause of death across all ages in the United States.

The real question that should be asked is how do we aid in the prevention of suicide? What are the signs? How do I empathize and effectively prevent someone who is contemplating a suicide attempt? The answers are never simple, but with proper attention and care is the difference between life and death.

Warning Signs
There are no clear cut signs to know if someone is considering suicide, which allows for this fly under the radar for many individuals. In case of the lack of clear sign, surviving loved ones often mull over what they might have missed. Either way, a combination of factors may be instrumental to the ultimate decision. Some of the most common risk factor and warning signs include:

• Mental Illness

• Substance Use

• Chronic Pain/Illness

• Social Isolation

• History of trauma or abuse

• Recklessness

• Displaying extreme mood swings

Preventative Measures
By first realizing the typical signs of someone who is considering suicide, its best to take immediate action by asking directly,

“Are you thinking of killing yourself?”

Asking this heavy loaded question causes a bit of discomfort because it's something we’d usually never talk about with someone we’d care about. However, beating around the bush in a crisis is not conducive for life-saving. Unhelpful styles of this question can vary from, “You’re not thinking of killing yourself, right?” or “Don’t kill yourself, just shake it off’. These types of approaches aren’t accommodating, and often allude to the entire situation being an inconvenience for the querent, making them less likely to seek help and sink deeper into isolation.

Other protective measures that prove to be very helpful for those in crisis include contacting providers, strong connections with family, community and social institutions and remarkable conflict resolution skills. Among many other protective measures, these core actions increase the likelihood of survival immensely. Through helping others connect with various resources, staying connected to ensure their health is improving and keeping them safe through removal of lethal objects, we all are able to save lives and prevent our loved ones from attempting suicide.

Without reference to the limitless trials and tribulations we all face on a regular basis, suicide should never be the answer. If you believe that you or a loved one is experiencing or contemplating a suicide attempt, help is available. By being alert and compassionate, we can all lessen the threat of this major public health crisis.

Resources:

• Suicide Prevention Lifeline Network

• 1-800-273-TALK (8255) (Veterans, press 1)

• Crisis Text Line - Text TALK to 741-741 to text with a trained crisis counselor from the Crisis Text Line for free 24/7 help.

• The Trevor Project (1-866) 488-738

~ Eryka Warren

What have you already brought into your life – by your direct choosing of it, as the result of doing what you have always done, of not choosing something different? What have you manifested that you don’t want?

In the beautiful nature of your life, you are a co-creator with the universe. If you believe that you are a part of the greater whole, that you are not separate from source energy, then what you are able to manifest is the result of your choosing – of using your free will to decide what will be. It is this simple – we only need to decide everything that we want.

As you practice being far more attentive and observant of your thoughts, you will see how you are always manifesting. Your thoughts determine how you feel and your mood state influences the kinds of thoughts that you think. You are always bringing into your life what you desire most as well as what you do not want – all of which is determined by your focus and the energy directed towards something.

Manifesting is seeing (and feeling) the future of what you want now in this moment; and then taking the steps to make this your reality in the physical world.

“I AM” is perhaps the most powerful two words that you could ever use to manifest. Pretend that what you want is already what you have and what you are. What you may have enjoyed in childhood as daydreaming and imagination, continue to be a powerful secret in bringing all that you want into your life – now.

“Daydreaming, imagining, pretending and ‘make believe’ are all ways of describing how to manifest.”

One of the secrets to manifesting is to focus on the outcome that you desire most – regardless of the fact that it may not be your current reality. Remember that manifesting is co-creating; it is bringing to you something that you do not yet see. If you become distracted by and focused on what currently is when and what is not what you desire, then this can be discouraging. Instead, continue to manifest what you want – as you move in the direction of this.

“Of course, it goes without saying that you must also always be grateful, thankful – for what you currently have – and having of what is still on its way to you.”

Give yourself some alone time to practice manifesting using your imagination and intentional focus.

As you go about your day, take a few moments at a time to stop whatever you are doing and see and feel this desire wholly. Use the new language of ‘I AM’ to instill this as your new reality. Let yourself feel the feelings that arise and revel in these feelings for a time. This is how you manifest most effectively.

Let these three guiding secrets help further with manifesting all that you want in your life.

1. Use your free will to choose.

2. Be unwavering in your certainty of what you want and hold belief of this.

3. Direct the energy that wields all things by holding your focus unto what you desire most as you act as though this is already here – now.

We are all manifesting in each moment. You manifest when you bring what is wanted (desired) into the material world. You are able to manifest some desires instantly. Each time that you are thirsty – you likely reach for a glass of water. This is manifesting.

Remember, it is your job is to be ready, to hold the course, to not give up, to be clear as to what you want, and also flexible in how it shows up. Be bold in the asking and ‘seeking’ of your desires – without settling for anything less. See if you can practice the laser focus that will direct what you want into your life. You’ve already been doing this. Now as you co-create more, do so with deliberate choice. Let your manifesting be how you live your dream life.

~ Jade Asuncion

What happens when you’re surrounded by the people who are unable to understand and empathize others, and who only focus on themselves? Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive interest in one's physical appearance and an excessive pre-occupation with one's own needs, often at the expense of others. They might think they’re entitled to go where they want, snoop through your personal things, or tell you how you should feel. Maybe they give you unsolicited advice and take credit for things you’ve done.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favors or admiration, they believe they deserve.

Is it possible to live happily with a narcissist? Can narcissists be good family member? How do you cope when you’re seeing them over the holidays?

Combining a narcissist with the already heightened drama and expectations of the holiday season, can feel like a recipe for disaster. The narcissist in your family tree might be a parent, an adult child, even an in-law. But whoever it is, getting together with them in celebration can mean putting up with their criticism, self-aggrandizement, and demand for attention.

If someone in your family possess this behavior, you're probably not super excited to be spending time with them over the holidays. Here are the tactics that can make get-togethers easier:

• Expect no sympathy or emotional support. If you open up about events like a job loss or health problems— you expect family members to express sympathy and support. A narcissist isn't capable of giving that to you. This can catch you off guard and leave you feeling hurt and discouraged. Remember that the narcissist does not see the world as you do. Look for comfort and support from others instead.

• Don't get defensive. When a narcissist monopolizes holiday dinner conversation or shows no interest in the other people, you may feel defensive. Their behavior is a way to compensate for how they really feel. Understanding this can help you feel empathy for them and not get so angry when they behave as they will.

• Set firm boundaries. Narcissists often feel they are being mistreated or that others are the source of problems and not them, and tend to adopt a manipulative, persuasive, and dominant attitude to get their way with family members or friends. If you can't get out of the holiday event, limit your time there. You have the choice to limit your presence and interaction with such individuals for your own sanity, whether they like it or not.

• Look after your mental health. It's holiday time, and just because there's a narcissist in the house doesn't mean you can't enjoy all the good things the season brings. It's important to take care of your own mental health, as people who are abused by narcissists often end up blaming themselves for the dysfunctional relationship and may develop symptoms of anxiety or depression. Be good to yourself, and before you know it, the gathering will be over, and you can plan not to have to see them again next year.

Knowledge is power. Becoming aware of the shortcomings of narcissistic people can leave you with a sense of freedom and power. Addressing your issues in therapy may allow you to free yourself from negative core beliefs that you may have developed as a result of the parenting that constantly made you feel inferior or inadequate and develop the sense of value and respect that we all deserve.

~ Jade Asuncion

Achieving a work-life balance is something we all dream of. It seems impossible as if it’s nearly out of reach, but it is a goal that’s possible to accomplish. What does this phrase, “work-life balance” really mean? In short, it is just making sure you are dividing your time in a way where you spend a healthy amount of time being concerned with work-related things and the rest of the time, doing things that you enjoy. If you wanted to take that kick boxing class at your local gym or teach yourself a new artistic medium, but assumed you wouldn’t have time to because of your work schedule, this blog may help you create and maintain a beneficial work-life balance.

Remember when you were younger and you enjoyed what felt like an eternity off from school in order to celebrate the holidays? Well, those days are long gone. Now, as a working professional, you need to balance all of your gift shopping, baking, wrapping, and family time with your normal work schedule. And, finding time for it all can definitely be a challenge.

The most wonderful time of the year is also the most stressful for lots of people struggling to fit in increased end-of-the-year workloads, holiday parties, shopping, guest hosting, travel, and seeing friends and relatives who you’d otherwise avoid. Luckily, the same coping mechanisms that can help relieve stress and find better balance during the year also work for the holidays.

If you want to achieve successful work-life balance especially around the holidays, then you need to make an effort to be intentional with your time. You don’t take personal phone calls or do online holiday shopping while you’re at work. So, apply this same rule to your personal life.

Here are four tips to finding work-life balance during the holidays.

• Plan Ahead. Having these future tasks and assignments physically written down will keep you focused on your long-term goals—and not just the things that need to get done tomorrow. Plus, getting these things started early will free up at least a little bit of your time when the holidays are here.

• Schedule Everything. Your planner will help to hold you accountable for not only your professional duties, but your personal relaxation time as well. The key is just to stick to it.

• Explore a Flexible Schedule. Sometimes there just aren’t enough hours in a day and when you’re trying to make it to your child’s holiday concert in the middle of the workday, sticking to your standard work schedule can be difficult. So, if you think it would be helpful to you, consider talking to your boss about a flexible schedule or remote working opportunities around the holidays.

• Say No. Speaking of saying “no”, it’s an important thing for you to do every now and then. Oftentimes we end up working too much, simply because we have too much to do. While it feels great to be that go-to person that people can count on in a pinch, it just might not be realistic with your schedule.

• Be Intentional. When the day is done, leave your work in the office. Actually, having adequate time to enjoy the holidays with your family is sure to help you feel more balanced.

• Spread Holiday Cheer. Let’s face it, there’s no way around it, you still need to work during the holidays. So, although heading into work when you feel like you should be throwing snowballs or drinking hot cocoa can be a little demoralizing, there’s no rule stating that you can’t incorporate some holiday cheer into your normal work day. Put in some earbuds and listen to festive music while you’re working. Enjoy an afternoon mug of hot chocolate or head out on your lunch hour for a quick walk through the snow.

People report feeling less stressed about the holidays when they stop expecting so much from themselves, because nobody puts so much expectation on us as we do to ourselves. If we stop focusing on what we feel like we’re obligated to do, and start focusing on what we want and need to do, the load gets lighter and the holidays get a lot merrier.

Maintaining an adequate balance between your personal and professional lives is always a challenge. But it can become extra difficult during the holiday season, when you feel an increased desire for more personal and family time. Try out these tips to stick to all of your work deadlines, while still being able to enjoy the holidays!

~ Divine Ikpe

Presentation Anxiety (also known as Speech Anxiety or Public Speaking anxiety) is a type of Social Anxiety Disorder in which someone may feel nervousness ranging from manageable to debilitating in regards to speaking or performing in front of a group of people according to  Arlin Cuncic’s article “How to Manage Public Speaking Anxiety.” It is one of the most common social anxiety disorders. You may experience a general anxious feeling or you could experience various physiological reactions such as sweaty palms, dry throat and difficulty breathing, to name a few.

Why does it happen?

Humans have an evolutionary response that we acquired to protect us from predators and in modern times, those fight or flight responses get activated in anxiety producing scenarios. When stressed or anxious the chemicals adrenaline and cortisol get released and lead to shaking, a pounding heart, dizziness and more in a public speaking setting.

So how do you manage performance anxiety? Some more extensive and long term things you could do to help manage are systematic desensitization and cognitive behavioral therapy.

Systematic Desensitization is a type of classical conditioning where you imagine yourself in various fear-inducing situations and use relaxation techniques to calm yourself down. Once you’re able to calm yourself down in those fictional scenarios, you can use those same techniques in real life anxiety-triggering situations. Some relaxation techniques include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and, as suggested by Nancy Duarte in her article “Overcome Presentation Anxiety Easily with These Steps,” visualization. In addition to therapy, if your anxiety is severe enough where it inhibits your ability to function, medication could help. Always talk to your therapist first before deciding to get medicated as it is generally the last resort.

Shorter term solutions to help with presentation anxiety in the meantime, suggested by The University of Iowa’s Counseling Services, include being extra prepared for the public speaking or performance on the day of your presentation. Choosing a topic that genuinely interests you will increase your chance of remembering the material you are presenting.

Try to choose a topic that genuinely interests you (if you can) because you’ll be more likely to remember the information. Which leads to the next tip, if you’re in a general public speaking scenario, don’t script your speech. Instead, you should just write down some key points that you want to cover if you need help jogging your memory. Reading straight from a script would not be enjoyable for you or the audience. Get adequate sleep the night before, know your audience, become familiar with the venue and request accommodations if you can. Don’t eat too close in time to your presentation, dress comfortably, go to the restroom before you go on stage and bring a glass of water with you. Use humor and slow down your speech if need be. The Last step to help you prepare for public speaking or a performance is practice. Practice makes a more prepared and better you!

~ Divine Ikpe

We all enjoy the sweet nature that often comes from being with our platonic relationships and significant others, as the connection shared between one another is unparalleled. However, relationships can turn sour without proper attention to red flags that may arise. This is particularly true in codependent relationships.

The American Psychological Association defines codependency as, "a dysfunctional relationship pattern in which an individual is psychologically dependent on (or controlled by) a person who has a pathological addiction (e.g., alcohol, gambling)" and

"The state of being mutually reliant, for example, a relationship between two individuals who are emotionally dependent on one another."

This state of being can be damaging to any relationship, creating an atmosphere of disrespect, dependence and obsession. These actions often lead to unhappiness and resentment. To prevent this, here are a few warning signs that you (or your partner) may be engaging in codependency:

Low Self-Esteem and Self Worth

Feelings of inadequacy, experiencing guilt or shame, and constant comparisons are common feelings codependents share. Honoring our needs and boundaries often prevents us from being placed in tricky situations, conflicts, or being willing to engage in self-destructive or people-pleasing behaviors. Detaching from the value of other's approval and toxic perception of oneself are great ways to combat this.

Blurred Lines

Weak or the lack of boundaries is a telltale sign of codependency within a relationship. Codependents often express their objection to tolerating addiction or domestic violence behaviors within their relationships, then acquiesce when such issues come about. Allowing your partner (or any other individual) to walk all over you and constantly bending your own rules isn't helpful to either person in a relationship, as boundaries are pertinent in any connection. Some ways "blurred lines" or compliance can manifest themselves are accepting sex as a substitute for love, being extremely loyal and remaining in a harmful situation for far too long and putting aside your interests to pursue what others want.

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses…

Suppose you often find yourself constantly rationalizing, taking on abusive behavior as your fault, or in denial of your partner's behaviors rather than helping them combat any concerns. In that case, you may be engaging in a codependent relationship.

Covering up this behavior is damaging and enabling such acts through can break down any relationship quicker than one can imagine. Denying toxic patterns and minimizing how you genuinely feel only continues this vicious cycle.

Codependent people often find difficulties in expressing their feelings and articulating their thoughts. Due to the overwhelming fear of being rejected, abandoned, or criticized, combined with an overwhelming need to control, codependents sacrifice the will to communicate or have undeveloped communication skills that can foster a healthy communication.

Everyone deserves love, that in its purest and healthiest form. If you happen to relate to any of these signs, help is available. It all starts with the will to repair and heal a once-wounded relationship.

~Eryka Warren

Depression affects cognitive, emotional, behavioral and physical functions. One of the most insidious aspects of depression is that it tricks you into thinking that nothing will help, or that the relief will be temporary thus keeping you in a cycle of maladaptive thinking, feeling, and doing (or non-doing). However, there are some simple steps you can take to cope with depression.

Take Care of Your Physical Health
Get active! It is important to get 30 minutes of physical activity daily. This can be anything from yoga, walking, jogging, walking stairs, a stroll around the block, gardening. If this is too daunting, start with 10-15 minutes a day and add 5 minutes to each day. Remember to nourish your body- make sure you eat well-balanced meals. Getting adequate sleep is important for our physical wellbeing, mental acuity, and concentration.

Take a Closer Look at Your Thoughts
Write down recurring thoughts…negative thoughts about oneself, one’s future, and the world are common; these thoughts are often distortions that feel real and often perpetuate unhelpful behaviors. By writing down these thoughts, one can begin to see the distortions a bit more clearly. Ask yourself “what is one thing that I can do right now that is good for me?”

Identify Unhelpful Behaviors and Replace them with Healthy, Helpful Behaviors
Build a sense of mastery-this involves setting realistic, achievable goals daily; rather than tackling big ticket items. Break larger items down into small manageable units. This sense of mastery will help to chip away at the unhelpful distortions.

Engage in Healthy Joyful Activities

Engaging in joyful activities from something as small as brewing a nice cup of tea, listening to a favorite song, or dancing in your own space can improve your mood in the moment and help you find gratitude in the simple things life has to offer you.

Practice Self-Compassion - Use Affirmations

Being harsh or overly critical is not helpful, give yourself some grace and kindness. Affirmations are positive reminders or statements that can be used to encourage and motivate yourself or others. They can be a powerful way to improve your overall mindset and research has shown that affirmations increase our feelings of confidence and self-worth.

Practice Gratitude

Research has found that gratitude, the act of affirming and appreciating the good in one’s life — can have many benefits. Result have revealed the many positive impacts that feeling grateful had on both depression and general mental health. When practiced over time, feeling thankful seemed to act as an overall mood booster.

Signs of Depression Include:

1. A loss of interest or withdrawal from activities that you once looked forward to — sports, hobbies, or going out with friends.

2. Depression is also linked with insomnia. The lack of quality, restful sleep can also lead to anxiety.

3. Difficulty caring for yourself, meeting basic needs or attend to daily responsibilities.

4. Persistent feeling of sadness or loss of interest that characterizes major depression can lead to a range of changes in behaviors.

5. Depression can also be associated with thoughts of suicide.

If you are experiencing severe depressive symptoms, it may be time to seek out professional help. Counseling can provide the skills and insights to overcome depression and get back to a life worth living.

At Joie de Vivre Counseling and Therapy we give you the tools to change negative and destructive patterns that prevent health and wellness. We provide a variety of treatment options with proven effectiveness in treating depression to heal the mind and body.

~By Jade Asuncion

College students all around America have become accustomed to online lectures for the past year and a half due to the pandemic. But as vaccine dispersal has become more widespread in this country, venues, restaurants and universities have all tried to return back to “normal” with not much hesitation. Some people have been excited to return to participating in packed indoor spaces while some are anxious about it. For people that already had anxiety prior to the pandemic, it has only added new triggers associated with the fear of getting COVID-19.

There are always a few online options for a few courses at a university, but the majority of them are generally being held in-person. So how can a person who is triggered by in-person school manage their anxiety during another surge in cases in the pandemic?

One thing to consider is your Locus of Control. Locus of Control refers to how in control you feel about various aspects in your life. Some people have a more internal locus of control (“everything is my fault”) while others have a more external locus of control (“It’s out of my hands’). In order to analyze your thoughts on your locus of control, utilize a “Circle of Control” worksheet like this worksheet or this worksheet.

Most worksheets have 3 circles: the smallest inner circle says, “most control,” the middle circle says, “some control” and the outer circle says, “least control.” The goal of the worksheet is to think about things that stress you out and rank them from most control to least control.

When I completed this worksheet I found that COVID-19 was in the “least control” ring but “whether or not I get COVID-19” was in the “some control” ring. It’s important to understand that there is not much you can do about COVID-19 other than taking measures to protect yourself and your loved ones.

Other tools to help manage both general and COVID-19 related anxiety include the “art of de-catastrophizing”. Catastrophizing is a type of cognitive distortion where the worst case scenario is thought to be true and or a problem is given more importance than it should.

De-catastrophizing is the act of analyzing those cognitive distortions and calming yourself by realizing that the problem is not as severe as you thought. That could be difficult to do in regards to COVID-19, but again if you are taking measures to protect yourself and others, the worst case scenario is unlikely to happen to you. Likewise, you can apply the same thoughts to what could happen versus what will happen.

Lastly, if you have found things in the past that helped you manage your anxiety, you can try to slowly incorporate them into your life again. For example, yoga, guided meditation, and journaling are helpful outlets for many people working to manage their anxiety.

In conclusion, go through the above tools and think about some tools from your past and figure out what works for you. Remember, COVID-19 is out of your hands so just do what you can to protect yourself and your loved one and others. Your best is good enough.

~Divine Ikpe

The portrayal of contemporary therapy practices often pushes many individuals away from pursuing, or even entertaining, the thought of therapy as a whole. This can be due to many factors, including poor experiences in the past, stigmas that frequently surround treatment, and fear! Despite the reason for feeling any apprehension in seeking out counseling, the bravery and acknowledgment of your needs is not only the first step but should be commended more often. For that reason, giving yourself grace through this new journey is essential.

Whether this is your first time seeking out therapy or you're just looking for a new counselor, this process can be fairly simple with the proper steps as follows:

1. Consultation and Payment. It’s key to have an idea of how you’re going to pay for a sessions prior to attending one. Individuals considering private pay are also entitled to several benefits that insurance does not offer, such as, reimbursement, flexibility of payments, as well nondisclosure of a diagnosis to an insurance provider.

   If you're planning to pay through insurance, it's crucial to be aware of what your insurance will and will not cover for you. Verify your out-of-pocket and co-pay amounts with your insurance company to make sure you are covered. Joie de Vivre Counseling and Therapy accepts Aetna, Anthem BCBS, UHC, Cigna, and UHC Student Resources. We also accept all PPO insurance plans as out-of-network providers. 

2. Explore your Resources. Therapy takes form in many mediums. It recognizes people from all occupations and backgrounds, so it's vital to research all of your options. For example, students are usually eligible for discounted therapy through their university. Many therapists are also willing to meet a client halfway through the offering of sliding scales fees, which is dependent on an individual’s monthly income. Joie de Vivre Counseling and Therapy offers a sliding scale to students.

3. Finding the Right Match. To make sure you're seeking out the proper care, be sure to research the right therapist that meets your exact needs. Some counselors may specialize in only a particular form of care or may only see a specific type of client based on their age, gender, relationship status, etc. Here are a few links that might help you on your search:

   • Psychology Today Psychology Today is a media organization with a focus on psychology and human behavior. The Psychology Today website features therapy and health professionals directories and hundreds of mental health blogs.

   • Therapy for Black Girls Therapy for Black Girls is an online space dedicated to encouraging the mental wellness of Black women and girls.

   • Therapy Den A progressive and all-inclusive therapist directory working with allies and partners to make meaningful change within the mental health industry and society as a whole.

   • Therapy Tribe The purpose is to help people find great mental health resources like therapists, support groups, wellness tools as well as an overall sense of community.

4. Transparency. Sometimes, we may find ourselves being unhappy with the provider we're with, and that's okay. As an individual, you're human, and at some point we are all going find ourselves in situations that may not be ideal. However, it is essential to be very honest with yourself and your therapist to transition over to someone who better suits your needs. At the end of the day, your mental health comes first, and finding the best care is the top priority.

5. Virtual Therapy. Do you have a busy schedule? Are you not comfortable seeing your therapist in person? That's alright! Virtual platforms and apps are dedicated solely to issues like these that arise. Despite your agenda for the day or what others may say about online therapy, it's just as valid and effective as in-person therapy. Here are a few places that might aid you in your search:

   • Joie de Vivre Counseling and Therapy offers flexible Telehealth appointments to aid in your mental health concerns and assist you on your journey towards a more fulfilling life. Whatever your goals might be, our therapists are here to be of support every step of the way.

   • Psychology Today is another resource to find the right fit for your mental health needs. Psychology Today provide a plethora of providers that willing to adhere to said guidelines and your schedule.

Whether you're coping with trauma, relationship troubles, grief, or just everyday struggles, wanting assistance and treatment for said concerns is more than valid and the best course of action. Joie de Vivre Counseling and Therapy is ready when you are. Determine how your goals align with your therapist's choice to decide the best course of action. Soon, you'll be well on your way towards better mental health.

~Eryka Warren

Achieving our goals for a lot of us is its own reward because we know of the amount of work we put into making it happen. In the process of completing a goal, many of us may feel the pressure of making sure it is done without making mistakes along the way. This could be magnified by criticisms beginning to feel like personal attacks and feelings of being overwhelmed. This can create setbacks that cause you to procrastinate more than you normally would. When putting our mind to a task, we have to keep focus and remember the positive aspects of our achievements because not accepting anything less than perfect could cause the situation to become stressful and lead you to believe it’s not worth the effort.

There are many ways to make sure you achieve your goals without adding that extra pressure to be perfect on yourself. According to an article by Elizabeth Scott in her book, “How to Overcome Perfectionism”, setting smaller goals for yourself in order to achieve your larger goal, creates more room for you to feel you are accomplishing what you have set out to do. Now not only do you have that rewarding feeling when you complete your short-term goals, but that fear of failing is minimized.

Take for example if your goal is to run your first 5K. Without listening to what your body can endure, running the 5k right off could lead to a disappointing outcome. The idea is not to start off on the day of the race. Begin with running 1K or even walking the sense of completion begins to appear as your practice ends. As you become stronger and are able to endure longer runs the 5k goal inches closer into becoming a reality. The day of the race, you’re as fast as you’ve ever been and that 5K goal that was so distant at one point is now at arm’s length.

Here are a few more important things to remember when trying to overcome perfectionism. Your aspirations are worth the effort, but that does not mean you have to endure a struggle to make sure it’s perfect. We are born with a right to be valued and respected. Talk with family or friends so they are aware of what you are going through and can help. The good thing is our lives are wonderful unique journeys and we never have to travel alone.

1. Remember you have achieved so much just to get where you are today. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves to be thankful for what we have already achieved. Repeat out loud or write down positive things that came from attempting to achieve your goals. This could be directly related to that goal or just something great that happened that day like meeting new friends. Mold a negative situation into a positive one. If you initially viewed something as a mistake, take that same situation and know you learned something new that day.

2. Mistakes happen and all we can do is move on and make the best of the situation. It can be hard to grasp that literally everyone in the world makes mistakes every day. Some mistakes can be bigger than others but if billions of people can come back from those mistakes so can you. Focusing on what could have been done takes away from what you can do. A setback or a mistake does not mean you are starting again at zero. What you gain each time is experience and if we didn’t make mistakes, we probably wouldn’t learn a thing.

3. Criticism can help us become the best version of ourselves. Sometimes criticisms can come from unwanted places or when we are at our lowest points, but criticism could also be filled with love, concern, and helpful advice. The line between helpful criticism and a personal attack could sometimes be difficult to pinpoint, but recall the relationship you have with this person, tone, and words used. Again, if you may be in an overwhelming situation another person’s opinion may be stressing but keeping an open mind for alternative options could be the solution you are looking for.

4. Starting something is the hardest thing to do and many of us have given into procrastination. Give yourself time to accomplish your tasks to avoid stress. Creating an outline or getting an idea written down is the starting point for a lot of what the world has accomplished today. Keep a calendar or a to-do list to keep you on track. Large projects may seem daunting but avoiding the situation won’t accomplish anything. If we break it down into more manageable pieces we can overcome.

5. We are human and sometimes we need guidance to help us organize. Therapy is a tool used to help you create balance in your life. It is healthy to ask for help and to want to talk about your feelings if they become uncomfortable. When noticing certain signs such as feelings of being inadequate or depression a therapist may be able to help you get through the disruptive thoughts. Staying silent and dealing with these thoughts by yourself will make it increasingly difficult to complete goals because they can make you stall or give in to pressure. Believe you can take control and take a step in the right direction to a healthy mind. You are worth all the effort.

~ Karla Morales