Posts in Relationships
Understanding the 5 Love Languages
 
 

Most people cannot define their vision of love because love is a complicated matter and relationships can be challenging. However, there are proven ways to better understand how we give and receive love from others. According to Dr. Chapman, there are five primary love languages that people speak. Are love languages real, or are they a myth? Could knowing your partner’s love language improve your relationship? Let's find out.

The languages include words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. Here is an overview of each:

Words of affirmation:
 Compliments, sweet statements, expressions of pride and appreciation – these are verbal statements that display affection.

Receiving gifts: This involves tangible items with thoughtful meaning. Gifts do not have to cost a lot of money. They simply show, “Hey, he was thinking of me today.”

Acts of service: These are actions, not physical gifts. Examples include having dinner ready when your spouse gets home from work, washing your partner’s car, giving your spouse a foot rub at the end of the day, etc.

Quality time:
 This involves spending time with your partner, either doing an activity or hanging out at home. Acts of service and quality time are similar in that they are both gifts of time. However, quality time involves moments together. Acts of service are thoughtful efforts.

Physical touch: This is physical affection, such as hugging, kissing, holding hands, being intimate, etc.

According to Dr. Chapman, each person has a primary and secondary love language. The primary love language is the one that resonates “love” to that person the most. A person’s secondary love language has less value than the primary love language, but it still communicates love to them.

Love languages have two sides – Giving and Receiving

How you normally give love may not be the same as how you receive love. These factors usually align, but not always. For example, I may enjoy giving gifts to others, but I do not enjoy receiving them. I may enjoy surprising my loved ones with acts of service, but I dislike surprises in return.

With that in mind, the five love languages do provide a helpful guideline for a thriving and long-lasting relationship. Understanding your love languages and your partner’s love languages can ensure that you showcase your love clearly and effectively.

When was the last time you have felt most loved? Ask your partner to do the same, and talk about the elements that are equivalent to the word "I love you". It's not gonna be easy but it'll definitely be worth it. ♥

~Jade Asuncion

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Fitness Routine: The Mental Health Benefits of Exercise
 
 

You already know that exercise is good for your body. But did you know it can also boost your mood, improve your sleep, and help you deal with depression, anxiety, stress, and more?

Exercise can improve brain function and protect memory and thinking skills. To begin with, it increases your heart rate, which promotes the flow of blood and oxygen to your brain. It can also stimulate the production of hormones that enhance the growth of brain cells.

Exercise is not just about aerobic capacity and muscle size. Sure, exercise can improve your physical health and your physique, trim your waistline, improve your sex life, and even add years to your life. But that’s not what motivates most people to stay active.

People who exercise regularly tend to do so because it gives them an enormous sense of well-being. They feel more energetic throughout the day, sleep better at night, have sharper memories, and feel more relaxed and positive about themselves and their lives. And it’s also a powerful medicine for many common mental health challenges.

Regular exercise can have a profoundly positive impact on depression, anxiety, and ADHD. It also relieves stress, improves memory, helps you sleep better, and boosts your overall mood. And you don’t have to be a fitness fanatic to reap the benefits. Research indicates that modest amounts of exercise can make a real difference. No matter your age or fitness level, you can learn to use exercise as a powerful tool to deal with mental health problems, improve your energy and outlook, and get more out of life.

What are some ways to started with exercise?

Many of us find it hard enough to motivate ourselves to exercise at the best of times. But when you feel depressed, anxious, stressed or have another mental health problem, it can seem doubly difficult. You know exercise will make you feel better, but depression has robbed you of the energy and motivation you need to work out, or your social anxiety means you can’t bear the thought of being seen at an exercise class or running through the park.

  1. Start small. When you’re under the cloud of anxiety or depression and haven’t exercised for a long time, setting extravagant goals like completing a marathon or working out for an hour every morning will only leave you more despondent if you fall short. Better to set achievable goals and build up from there.

  2. Schedule workouts when your energy is highest. Perhaps you have most energy first thing in the morning before work or school or at lunchtime before the mid-afternoon lull hits? Or maybe you do better exercise for longer at the weekends. If depression or anxiety, has you feeling tired and unmotivated all day long, try dancing to some music or simply going for a walk. Even a short, 15-minute walk can help clear your mind, improve your mood, and boost your energy level. As you move and start to feel a little better, you’ll often boost your energy enough to exercise more vigorously—by walking further, breaking into a run, or adding a bike ride, for example.

  3. Focus on activities you enjoy. Any activity that gets you moving counts. That could include throwing a Frisbee with a dog or friend, walking laps of a mall window shopping, or cycling to the grocery store. If you’ve never exercised before or don’t know what you might enjoy, try a few different things. Activities such as gardening or tackling a home improvement project can be great ways to start moving more when you have a mood disorder—as well as helping you become more active, they can also leave you with a sense of purpose and accomplishment.

  4. Be comfortable. Wear clothing that’s comfortable and choose a setting that you find calming or energizing. That may be a quiet corner of your home, a scenic path, or your favorite city park.

  5. Make exercise a social activity. Exercising with a friend or loved one, or even your kids, will not only make exercising more fun and enjoyable, it can also help motivate you to stick to a workout routine. You’ll also feel better than if you were exercising alone. In fact, when you’re suffering from a mood disorder such as depression, the companionship can be just as important as the exercise.

You don’t have to spend hours in a gym or force yourself into long, monotonous workouts to experience the many benefits of exercise. These tips can help you find activities you enjoy and start to feel better, look better, and get more out of life.

~ Jade Asuncion

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Warning Signs of a Codependent Relationship
 
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We all enjoy the sweet nature that often comes from being with our platonic relationships and significant others, as the connection shared between one another is unparalleled. However, relationships can turn sour without proper attention to red flags that may arise. This is particularly true in codependent relationships.

The American Psychological Association defines codependency as, "a dysfunctional relationship pattern in which an individual is psychologically dependent on (or controlled by) a person who has a pathological addiction (e.g., alcohol, gambling)" and

"The state of being mutually reliant, for example, a relationship between two individuals who are emotionally dependent on one another."

This state of being can be damaging to any relationship, creating an atmosphere of disrespect, dependence and obsession. These actions often lead to unhappiness and resentment. To prevent this, here are a few warning signs that you (or your partner) may be engaging in codependency:

Low Self-Esteem and Self Worth

Feelings of inadequacy, experiencing guilt or shame, and constant comparisons are common feelings codependents share. Honoring our needs and boundaries often prevents us from being placed in tricky situations, conflicts, or being willing to engage in self-destructive or people-pleasing behaviors. Detaching from the value of other's approval and toxic perception of oneself are great ways to combat this.

Blurred Lines

Weak or the lack of boundaries is a telltale sign of codependency within a relationship. Codependents often express their objection to tolerating addiction or domestic violence behaviors within their relationships, then acquiesce when such issues come about. Allowing your partner (or any other individual) to walk all over you and constantly bending your own rules isn't helpful to either person in a relationship, as boundaries are pertinent in any connection. Some ways "blurred lines" or compliance can manifest themselves are accepting sex as a substitute for love, being extremely loyal and remaining in a harmful situation for far too long and putting aside your interests to pursue what others want.

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses…

Suppose you often find yourself constantly rationalizing, taking on abusive behavior as your fault, or in denial of your partner's behaviors rather than helping them combat any concerns. In that case, you may be engaging in a codependent relationship.

Covering up this behavior is damaging and enabling such acts through can break down any relationship quicker than one can imagine. Denying toxic patterns and minimizing how you genuinely feel only continues this vicious cycle.

Codependent people often find difficulties in expressing their feelings and articulating their thoughts. Due to the overwhelming fear of being rejected, abandoned, or criticized, combined with an overwhelming need to control, codependents sacrifice the will to communicate or have undeveloped communication skills that can foster a healthy communication.

Everyone deserves love, that in its purest and healthiest form. If you happen to relate to any of these signs, help is available. It all starts with the will to repair and heal a once-wounded relationship.

~Eryka Warren

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Creating Mindful Relationships
The right relationships keep you on the right track. The wrong relationships will distract.

As we grow through life, we come across people and energies that will not only present themselves as challenges but, as decisions as well. Sometimes, we fail to see past a person's actions or habits, ultimately making the decision to hinder our own growth. This can be detrimental to our own health, body, and mind. Your energy and intentions attract what you want the most - by surrounding yourself with people and energies that resonate with the same positivism, you can attract positive manifestations. However, here are five type of energies to be mindful of:

  1. Irresponsible People

    There are people who are unable to assume the responsibility for their actions. Even so, they maybe prone to blaming others for their own mistakes. These type of people will have a negative influence on your life. They may not be able to change their attitude, and because of this, you will sacrifice your positive energy for their lack of commitment. Understand that you deserve better! If it's possible, you can try expressing how their habits make you uncomfortable. But if this doesn't spark a need for change, then avoiding them, their problems and their responsibilities is what's best for your peace.

  2. Self-Destructive People

    Sometimes when you express how someone made you feel, some people tend to become defensive in pointing out their lapses of judgment. They seek pity, help and attention, but most times they're not really interested in solving their own problems. Self-destructive people have no interest in growing or changing for the better. They’re simply content with complaining and living their lives in misery over and over again. The worst thing, however, is that even if you want to help them, you won’t be able to do much. If it’s their habit to offer excuses for their behaviors, it's out of your control. Again, simply avoiding them is best.

  3. Criticizing People

    No one is perfect, and once we commit to growth, going through changes and learning from our mistakes is inevitable. However, just because you have your flaws that you’re struggling to overcome, it doesn’t mean that someone should point them out to you all the time. There is a difference between expressing one’s concern honestly and constructively, and pointing out the weakness in order to attack someone. If one of your friends is quick to emphasize your flaws and frequently criticizes your behavior, you are dealing with a toxic person that you should definitely avoid. Otherwise, you will risk that person wearing down your self-esteem and bringing down your own energy.

  4. Energy Draining People

    These people (or things) are also known as "energy vampires", and they come in many forms. Some people like to be pitied for problems they cannot solve, while others like to constantly speak badly about other people. Some will try to control your opinions about topics, and others will point out all the flaws in your behavior. Some might seek company in judging others, or challenge you every time you cross paths. But what they all have in common is that after every interaction with them you feel emotional, mental fatigue and stress. Do yourself a favor and chose what's best for your energy - avoid them.

  5. Jealous & Envious People

    You might know a person who tends to minimize your accomplishments or strengths in order to make themselves feel better. Or someone who may secretly show resentment by downplaying your abilities and accomplishments. Jealously and envy will never aid you or anyone else in growth. You don’t need these kinds of toxic people in your life. Avoid people these kind of people and traits because they will not serve for your best intentions - they can’t appreciate your hard work, simply because they can’t put so much effort into things they love. Real friends and things will always be meant for you and be genuinely happy for you. They won’t try to diminish your happiness with negative reactions. They will never try to make you feel guilty for sharing your happiness with them.

Avoid the five types of toxic personalities and you’ll be on your way to creating a harmonious and balanced social environment that serves to boost your strengths and helps you to lead a peaceful and happy life.

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THE POSSIBILITIES OF BEING SINGLE AND SATISFIED
Who we are is who we attract.

Living a single life and fulfilling unconditional happiness without a partner can be a challenge. However, with every challenge, there are possible solutions that increase opportunities for one to live a happy and well-being life. To acquire what the heart truly desires, one must go to the first reference of the source available…within SELF and obtain SELF. Self-awareness, self-understanding, self-forgiveness, self-boundaries and self-comfort and discomfort, to say the least. Self-satisfaction provides one the ability to satisfy self in order to satisfy others. If one cannot satisfy self alone, how can one wholeheartedly satisfy someone else or receive satisfaction together? To please thy self on all aspects (mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually), time is needed. Take time to live with thine own self long enough to know who that person really is from the inside out. Time increases self-toleration. With that, comes an understanding of who you are, what you stand for, and what/who you deserve in life. Emotional attachment to self increases self-satisfaction. When the self is satisfied, the established self-unconditional love creates a new lens to observe and view the true “self” of others.      

If we do not know ourselves well enough to embrace ourselves for who we are, imagine the challenge of embracing someone else or allowing someone to embrace us?  Extremely interesting thought… Lack of self-unconditional love creates a vicious cycle that is repeated with no lessons learned and places a strain on one’s ability to live a single life while being satisfied. Once you find YOU, you find your happy place. When in your happy place you gain self-satisfaction while being single, which then opens the door for the individual that is for you to enter without you seeking beyond…self.

~ DeAnna L. Alexander

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The Cycle of a Repeated Relationship

On-again, off-again. I love you, I hate you. Breaking up, breaks, dating other people and coming back together again. Will it ever end? Do you want it to end? Is it them or me? Are we toxic for each other? Is this cycle toxic? Why can’t we let go?

No relationship is perfect. Rather if it is cyclical or non-cyclical but when it is repeated it does cause a different level of anxiety and attachment when you all decide to break-up. After awhile you all begin to anticipate the patterns, the break-up and getting back together again as if you become accustomed to re-starting.

Why does this keep happening? After one break-up lingering feelings are sometimes all people need to restart their relationship. It is stated by Dailey, Jin, Pfiester & Beck of Psychology Today that after a break-up, feelings of love, nostalgia and concern of a former partner are still present and if these feelings are still strong, two will instantly fall back into each other. Another reason is loneliness. No one wants to feel alone, especially when you are accustom to having a for certain person to constantly talk to and have intimate relations with. Lastly, some people just do not like starting over. When it is time to start over, you are constantly getting to know any and everything about that person, what they like, what they dislike, their family background, their overall personality and sexual preferences and that is overwhelming and scary. So, to some, it is not worth it and will run back to what they already know and who already knows them.

If the relationship is having to be constantly repeated, break-up, break, and back together again, it is unhealthy. So how do you break a cycle that has become addicting? You must ask yourself “why am I choosing to stay in this situation in the first place”? You must evaluate yourself and determine who you are right now, who you want to become and how will you get there.

~Alexis Adams

The Cycle of Healing After A Breakup

The process of healing during a heartbreak is easier said than done. While it seems simple to remove all physical evidence and move on, the reality is the emotional scarring that is left behind makes it feel impossible to recover from. There is no number which can predict how long the breakup will take to get over. The recovery process is subjective of the individual however the tenet of the painful process should be to learn from the breakup and be able to grow as a person. This is the end goal which takes longer than most people would expect. Typically, the healing starts with expressing all the emotions which are often coupled with reminiscing on the last “perfect” moments of the relationship. While reliving the memories repetitively brings some positive emotions to the forefront it can also cause more harm emotionally which hinders the healing process. The difficult part about a breakup that was out of the blue means that a majority of the time will be spent analyzing for signs that the relationship was on unstable ground. It is important to recognize that in a breakup that there will be periods of time where the negative feelings will come in waves and that it is okay to let the feelings take over. This is better than keeping the feelings inside which could lead to a problematic pathway of dealing with the breakup. The complex structuring of the brain makes it so that putting focus on the negative aspects can change the structure which can lead to a decline mental health. Even though it is easier to focus on the things that bring sadness, there is more reward on finding things that can bring happiness back into daily routine. This will lead into a path of successful self-growth. Realistically, the whiplash from a breakup does not end till you find happiness in something that reminds you of all the wonderful experiences that are there left to explore.

~Angela Jetty

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How the Correct Relationship Can Improve Self-Growth

Research has shown that the correct relationships can positively impact mental health. Having strong bonds can release a number of neurochemicals that make you feel good. The qualities of a correct relationship should include having a partner that allows you freedom to seek out new opportunities that can lead to a journey of self-growth which allows both people in the relationship to flourish. The correct partner would be understanding and will not hold the other person back in the relationship. In some heterosexual relationships the women will often be in the position to compromise while the man does not. This type of power dynamic is not helpful for either person and more often than not can make the woman feel stuck in the relationship as she does not feel as she is growing as a person. The suitable dynamic would be where both people in the relationship are secure individually and then bring the best of their characteristics to the relationship which makes it beneficial to both people and allows room for personal growth.

While finding the correct relationship, it is good to keep in mind that while it is sometimes okay to compromise, this may hinder the relationship in the future. Many times, after the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship is over the real characteristics come out and this can negatively impact both people and this creates setbacks. Dealing with these characteristics that come out later in a supportive way that allows growth can allow for a flourishing relationship. Coming up with ways to deal with conflict in a relationship can in the end prove to be a factor that brings couples closer together rather than creating a distance that eventually could end in separation. The ultimate goal in being a relationship is creating a permanent partnership that can survive any conflict while being able to celebrate success that eventually lead to a personal growth development. that makes both people in the relationship happy and successful.

~Angela Jetty