What does it mean when you say you enjoy life? Is it possible to enjoy life to the fullest?

Inevitable change is a fact. Change is inevitable and is synonymous with life and growth. The life we lead today is the result of the acceptance of change.

Many people spend their whole lives searching for things to make them happy, but what is joy and how can we come to experience it? We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are. We enjoy life when things are happening - this means you're alive. Here are the TOP 4 things that will genuinely help you live a joyful life:

1. Appreciate Little Things. Appreciating the little things in life means that you focus your attention on what nurtures and sustains you in life. On everything that brings you even the smallest amount of pleasure. It also means practicing gratitude by noticing these everyday things that you take for granted so easily.

2. Avoid Toxic Environment. A toxic environment is any place or any behavior that causes harm to your health, happiness, and wellbeing. If you’re around people who make you feel small, insecure, or bad about yourself, you might be in a toxic environment. If you feel a physical weight every time you walk into your place of work, you might be in a toxic environment.

3. Be Content. Contentment is generally defined as a longer lasting, but a deeper feeling of satisfaction and gratitude. Happiness is arguably viewed as having a temporary feeling attached to it. Whereas contentment is viewed by many to have a long-lasting effect on those that experience it.

4. Nourish your Body. You can’t enjoy life if you’re not nourishing your body. Little things matter more when you’re enjoying. Be exuberant about life, share this moment to celebrate small victories. Sometimes having fun with the people - we love is all the therapy you need.

A joyful life is not being rich, being popular, being highly educated or being perfect. It is about being real, being humble, being strong and being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others. It is only then that we could have a full, happy and content life.

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.

~Jade Asuncion

Suicide is a topic filled with unresolved issues, unanswered questions, voided homes and hearts, and an overwhelming sense of guilt from our actions or lack thereof.

Personally, I have dealt with my fair share losing people in my life due to suicide, however it’s the aftershocks that are usually not dealt with and are often swept under the rug. Let’s note the word “swept”. It’s important to notice the privilege many of us have to set our emotions aside with ease, and we should recognize this when supporting people who no longer can or are on the brink of exhaustion.

Suicide is no longer the taboo topic it once was several years ago as prevention methods, awareness and de-stigmatization is spread rampantly across the globe in efforts to protect and lend a listening ear to those suffering in silence. Yet, it's still a silent killer and leading cause of death in youth and the top tenth cause of death across all ages in the United States.

The real question that should be asked is how do we aid in the prevention of suicide? What are the signs? How do I empathize and effectively prevent someone who is contemplating a suicide attempt? The answers are never simple, but with proper attention and care is the difference between life and death.

Warning Signs
There are no clear cut signs to know if someone is considering suicide, which allows for this fly under the radar for many individuals. In case of the lack of clear sign, surviving loved ones often mull over what they might have missed. Either way, a combination of factors may be instrumental to the ultimate decision. Some of the most common risk factor and warning signs include:

• Mental Illness

• Substance Use

• Chronic Pain/Illness

• Social Isolation

• History of trauma or abuse

• Recklessness

• Displaying extreme mood swings

Preventative Measures
By first realizing the typical signs of someone who is considering suicide, its best to take immediate action by asking directly,

“Are you thinking of killing yourself?”

Asking this heavy loaded question causes a bit of discomfort because it's something we’d usually never talk about with someone we’d care about. However, beating around the bush in a crisis is not conducive for life-saving. Unhelpful styles of this question can vary from, “You’re not thinking of killing yourself, right?” or “Don’t kill yourself, just shake it off’. These types of approaches aren’t accommodating, and often allude to the entire situation being an inconvenience for the querent, making them less likely to seek help and sink deeper into isolation.

Other protective measures that prove to be very helpful for those in crisis include contacting providers, strong connections with family, community and social institutions and remarkable conflict resolution skills. Among many other protective measures, these core actions increase the likelihood of survival immensely. Through helping others connect with various resources, staying connected to ensure their health is improving and keeping them safe through removal of lethal objects, we all are able to save lives and prevent our loved ones from attempting suicide.

Without reference to the limitless trials and tribulations we all face on a regular basis, suicide should never be the answer. If you believe that you or a loved one is experiencing or contemplating a suicide attempt, help is available. By being alert and compassionate, we can all lessen the threat of this major public health crisis.

Resources:

• Suicide Prevention Lifeline Network

• 1-800-273-TALK (8255) (Veterans, press 1)

• Crisis Text Line - Text TALK to 741-741 to text with a trained crisis counselor from the Crisis Text Line for free 24/7 help.

• The Trevor Project (1-866) 488-738

~ Eryka Warren

What happens when you’re surrounded by the people who are unable to understand and empathize others, and who only focus on themselves? Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive interest in one's physical appearance and an excessive pre-occupation with one's own needs, often at the expense of others. They might think they’re entitled to go where they want, snoop through your personal things, or tell you how you should feel. Maybe they give you unsolicited advice and take credit for things you’ve done.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favors or admiration, they believe they deserve.

Is it possible to live happily with a narcissist? Can narcissists be good family member? How do you cope when you’re seeing them over the holidays?

Combining a narcissist with the already heightened drama and expectations of the holiday season, can feel like a recipe for disaster. The narcissist in your family tree might be a parent, an adult child, even an in-law. But whoever it is, getting together with them in celebration can mean putting up with their criticism, self-aggrandizement, and demand for attention.

If someone in your family possess this behavior, you're probably not super excited to be spending time with them over the holidays. Here are the tactics that can make get-togethers easier:

• Expect no sympathy or emotional support. If you open up about events like a job loss or health problems— you expect family members to express sympathy and support. A narcissist isn't capable of giving that to you. This can catch you off guard and leave you feeling hurt and discouraged. Remember that the narcissist does not see the world as you do. Look for comfort and support from others instead.

• Don't get defensive. When a narcissist monopolizes holiday dinner conversation or shows no interest in the other people, you may feel defensive. Their behavior is a way to compensate for how they really feel. Understanding this can help you feel empathy for them and not get so angry when they behave as they will.

• Set firm boundaries. Narcissists often feel they are being mistreated or that others are the source of problems and not them, and tend to adopt a manipulative, persuasive, and dominant attitude to get their way with family members or friends. If you can't get out of the holiday event, limit your time there. You have the choice to limit your presence and interaction with such individuals for your own sanity, whether they like it or not.

• Look after your mental health. It's holiday time, and just because there's a narcissist in the house doesn't mean you can't enjoy all the good things the season brings. It's important to take care of your own mental health, as people who are abused by narcissists often end up blaming themselves for the dysfunctional relationship and may develop symptoms of anxiety or depression. Be good to yourself, and before you know it, the gathering will be over, and you can plan not to have to see them again next year.

Knowledge is power. Becoming aware of the shortcomings of narcissistic people can leave you with a sense of freedom and power. Addressing your issues in therapy may allow you to free yourself from negative core beliefs that you may have developed as a result of the parenting that constantly made you feel inferior or inadequate and develop the sense of value and respect that we all deserve.

~ Jade Asuncion

Achieving a work-life balance is something we all dream of. It seems impossible as if it’s nearly out of reach, but it is a goal that’s possible to accomplish. What does this phrase, “work-life balance” really mean? In short, it is just making sure you are dividing your time in a way where you spend a healthy amount of time being concerned with work-related things and the rest of the time, doing things that you enjoy. If you wanted to take that kick boxing class at your local gym or teach yourself a new artistic medium, but assumed you wouldn’t have time to because of your work schedule, this blog may help you create and maintain a beneficial work-life balance.

Remember when you were younger and you enjoyed what felt like an eternity off from school in order to celebrate the holidays? Well, those days are long gone. Now, as a working professional, you need to balance all of your gift shopping, baking, wrapping, and family time with your normal work schedule. And, finding time for it all can definitely be a challenge.

The most wonderful time of the year is also the most stressful for lots of people struggling to fit in increased end-of-the-year workloads, holiday parties, shopping, guest hosting, travel, and seeing friends and relatives who you’d otherwise avoid. Luckily, the same coping mechanisms that can help relieve stress and find better balance during the year also work for the holidays.

If you want to achieve successful work-life balance especially around the holidays, then you need to make an effort to be intentional with your time. You don’t take personal phone calls or do online holiday shopping while you’re at work. So, apply this same rule to your personal life.

Here are four tips to finding work-life balance during the holidays.

• Plan Ahead. Having these future tasks and assignments physically written down will keep you focused on your long-term goals—and not just the things that need to get done tomorrow. Plus, getting these things started early will free up at least a little bit of your time when the holidays are here.

• Schedule Everything. Your planner will help to hold you accountable for not only your professional duties, but your personal relaxation time as well. The key is just to stick to it.

• Explore a Flexible Schedule. Sometimes there just aren’t enough hours in a day and when you’re trying to make it to your child’s holiday concert in the middle of the workday, sticking to your standard work schedule can be difficult. So, if you think it would be helpful to you, consider talking to your boss about a flexible schedule or remote working opportunities around the holidays.

• Say No. Speaking of saying “no”, it’s an important thing for you to do every now and then. Oftentimes we end up working too much, simply because we have too much to do. While it feels great to be that go-to person that people can count on in a pinch, it just might not be realistic with your schedule.

• Be Intentional. When the day is done, leave your work in the office. Actually, having adequate time to enjoy the holidays with your family is sure to help you feel more balanced.

• Spread Holiday Cheer. Let’s face it, there’s no way around it, you still need to work during the holidays. So, although heading into work when you feel like you should be throwing snowballs or drinking hot cocoa can be a little demoralizing, there’s no rule stating that you can’t incorporate some holiday cheer into your normal work day. Put in some earbuds and listen to festive music while you’re working. Enjoy an afternoon mug of hot chocolate or head out on your lunch hour for a quick walk through the snow.

People report feeling less stressed about the holidays when they stop expecting so much from themselves, because nobody puts so much expectation on us as we do to ourselves. If we stop focusing on what we feel like we’re obligated to do, and start focusing on what we want and need to do, the load gets lighter and the holidays get a lot merrier.

Maintaining an adequate balance between your personal and professional lives is always a challenge. But it can become extra difficult during the holiday season, when you feel an increased desire for more personal and family time. Try out these tips to stick to all of your work deadlines, while still being able to enjoy the holidays!

~ Divine Ikpe

Presentation Anxiety (also known as Speech Anxiety or Public Speaking anxiety) is a type of Social Anxiety Disorder in which someone may feel nervousness ranging from manageable to debilitating in regards to speaking or performing in front of a group of people according to  Arlin Cuncic’s article “How to Manage Public Speaking Anxiety.” It is one of the most common social anxiety disorders. You may experience a general anxious feeling or you could experience various physiological reactions such as sweaty palms, dry throat and difficulty breathing, to name a few.

Why does it happen?

Humans have an evolutionary response that we acquired to protect us from predators and in modern times, those fight or flight responses get activated in anxiety producing scenarios. When stressed or anxious the chemicals adrenaline and cortisol get released and lead to shaking, a pounding heart, dizziness and more in a public speaking setting.

So how do you manage performance anxiety? Some more extensive and long term things you could do to help manage are systematic desensitization and cognitive behavioral therapy.

Systematic Desensitization is a type of classical conditioning where you imagine yourself in various fear-inducing situations and use relaxation techniques to calm yourself down. Once you’re able to calm yourself down in those fictional scenarios, you can use those same techniques in real life anxiety-triggering situations. Some relaxation techniques include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and, as suggested by Nancy Duarte in her article “Overcome Presentation Anxiety Easily with These Steps,” visualization. In addition to therapy, if your anxiety is severe enough where it inhibits your ability to function, medication could help. Always talk to your therapist first before deciding to get medicated as it is generally the last resort.

Shorter term solutions to help with presentation anxiety in the meantime, suggested by The University of Iowa’s Counseling Services, include being extra prepared for the public speaking or performance on the day of your presentation. Choosing a topic that genuinely interests you will increase your chance of remembering the material you are presenting.

Try to choose a topic that genuinely interests you (if you can) because you’ll be more likely to remember the information. Which leads to the next tip, if you’re in a general public speaking scenario, don’t script your speech. Instead, you should just write down some key points that you want to cover if you need help jogging your memory. Reading straight from a script would not be enjoyable for you or the audience. Get adequate sleep the night before, know your audience, become familiar with the venue and request accommodations if you can. Don’t eat too close in time to your presentation, dress comfortably, go to the restroom before you go on stage and bring a glass of water with you. Use humor and slow down your speech if need be. The Last step to help you prepare for public speaking or a performance is practice. Practice makes a more prepared and better you!

~ Divine Ikpe

We take a lot of pride in being productive, in getting things done, and checking off our to-do list. Subconsciously, some of us tie our self-worth to our productivity, especially now that we have more time on our hands. With the need to always be productive, the pressure tends to create strong expectations about what should be accomplished. And if those expectations aren't met, it feels like a big hit on our self-esteem.

With quarantine in effect for these past few months, it’s been hard to not feel worn out, tired, and bored. Many of us have tried to make the most of this global crisis by creating new fitness goals, or learning a new skill. But without the excitement and stimulus of the world, it’s much easier to feel burned out. It's difficult to accept the idea that “if you don’t seize the day, it’s okay”. but remember that this current situation is difficult to process and cope through.

Here are some tips to guide you through accepting the current situation:

1. Remember to focus on the basics- the things that make you feel comfortable and secure. Do an activity that makes you feel grounded. Something you can return to when you feel lost. And allow yourself enough time to do it often. 

2. Try to ignore any posts about productivity on social media right now. It is okay if you’re not as productive as usual. Instead, consider using this time to slow down and reflect. Learn to love and appreciate your own company. Focus on the present moment. Remind yourself that you are healthy. You are safe. Everything is okay. 

3. Finally, know how to balance these two things. Remember, it’s okay to want to get something done, to finish a project, but you don’t need to have the pressure or stress to do that every day. The expectation of using every second to its fullest can be damaging to your mental health. 

4. One last thing to consider is your negative feelings. It’s okay to not feel 100% yourself right now. You are grieving. You are grieving the world you knew before and now have lost. This is a change no one wanted, but now have to accept. We miss our normal routines, our social interactions, or the plans we made that now have to be cancelled. It’s okay to not be productive and check every item on your to-do list, because right now, your life has come at a standstill. It’s okay to feel lost, because no one is really feeling put together. 

5. We often forget that we are living through a pandemic, as it is such a foreign concept to understand and process. But be forgiving to yourself during these different times, and remember that you are doing the best you can.

At this point, many people expected that the pandemic would be over. It has been about five months since the US started its response to COVID-19, and most anticipated a return to normal several months ago. The continuing spread of the virus and its effects on society are naturally causing anxiety and, understandably, a feeling of loss of control. As the pandemic continues, it is crucial to continue taking care of your mental health and physical health. Figuring out how you can regain a sense of control in your life is important to keeping calm through this storm.

1. Understand that there are things that are genuinely outside of your control right now. Many people overwhelm themselves by looking for ways to alter parts of their situation that are unalterable, and it just furthers the feeling of helplessness. Make a list of the things in your life that are in your control: meal plans, your home organization, your hobbies, etc. Focus on what you are able to change.

2. A structured routine is imperative. Establish a consistent sleeping schedule. Set aside times for work, and times for a break. Make a list of ways you can relax and take care of yourself, and set aside a time just for that. Sticking to a routine has been shown to increase feelings of control.

3. Stay informed. Keep yourself up to date on COVID-19 through reputable sources such as the CDC; however, make sure to limit the information you get from media. Taking in too much news can be stressful, so it is important not to go down any news rabbit holes. 

4. Turn your attention to your body. Focus on the ways your body feels, and how you can control that. Meditation and exercise are two great ways to center yourself and feel in control of your own mind and body. They are also shown to boost your mood, as well as your immune system.

5. Have an action plan. Understand what you need to do when you have a bad day, so that you won’t spiral. In addition, establish a plan for what you can do if you or a loved one gets sick. This can include locating your nearest testing center, or working out how to isolate if you are sick. Being prepared helps to feel in control. 

Back pain is a common ailment that plagues many women, and can result from a number of issues, such as spine-related problems, inflammation and wear of the sacroiliac joint, pinched nerve, accidents and stress. The pain can be stabbing, dull, achy, or debilitating. While there are various pain management medications out there, a simpler solution that could provide quick and effective relief are stretches. Let’s look at a few stretches that could ease your unwanted back pain.

Standing Hamstring Stretch: Lower back pain can be a nagging discomfort, but can be alleviated with a standing hamstring stretch. Gently lengthening the hamstring can reduce stress and improve degraded flexibility and decrease pain levels.

To stretch the hamstring: Stand with both feet planted together on the ground. Gently extend your arms upward to the ceiling, while keeping your back straight. Slowly bend at the waist with your torso forward, knees locked, back straight and hands reaching for the toes. Hold this position for 30-45 seconds. Relax for 30 seconds. Repeat the stretch 3 times.

Pigeon Pose: Improvement in back pain doesn’t necessarily require stretching your back. Improving flexibility and posture can work wonders for sciatica-related back pain, hence, the pigeon pose. To do the pigeon pose - Start by positioning yourself on all fours (your hands and knees) or in table. Bring your left leg forward, with ankle at your right hand, and slide your right leg back, ensuring that your hips are square and knee is in line with the ankle. Inhale and lengthen up with the torso, pressing the tailbone down, and exhale as you press the extended leg back. Position your arms on each side of your hips and rise up on your fingertips as you elongate the spine. Depending on comfort level, hold the stretch for 30 seconds to 5 minutes.

Cat-Cow:To tackle mid-back pain, cat-cow allows for gentle spinal movements that can minimize pain and release stiffness.To do the cat-cow - Position yourself on all fours to begin, with wrists under your shoulders and knees under your hips, and back flat. Press your hands into the mat/floor, spreading your fingers wide, evenly distributing your weight in your hands to avoid putting pressure on the wrists. Inhale, slowly raise your pelvis upward, your chest forward, stomach lowered, back flat, and face up and looking ahead.  Hold for 5-10 seconds. Exhale, gently arch your back, mimicking a cat, to round out the spine. Tuck your pelvis, sucking in the belly button, and hang your head freely. Hold for 5-10 seconds. Repeat the stretch 5-7 times. Back pain doesn’t always require prescription medication.

Simple stretches can provide the relief that you need to go about your day. So, stretch the pain away.

~ Monica Manuel, MS, LPC